My Garden

        OK, so I was at this Biology Boot Camp thing at Loyola this week. It was incredible. Literally incredible. No other word to describe how awesome my time there was. I was introduced to my future Bio professor. I learned that there are so many opportunities for undergrad research, which I will be taking advantage of while I'm there. I sat in lectures, took mock exams and practicals, and got a feel for what college academia will be like. It wasn't all work. I also had lots of fun. I met my future roommate, who is super cool and sweet and amazing.I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner in my future cafeteria, which has an ice cream machine that will probably be the death of me. I ran every morning on the beach and around campus. I took the Red Line downtown and toured behind the scenes in the Bird Department of the Field Musuem. (There were literally hundreds of stuffed, dead birds in closets there. Kinda weird, but cool). I saw someone get arrested and laughed (in a good way) at the Asian man in business casual and gym shoes jogging very slowly in the park. I watched a full moon rise over Lake Michigan and saw the lights come on in the city while playing Frisbee in the lake. I met so many cool people and made new friends and enjoyed this pre-college experience to its fullest. The best part, though, was that this turned into a spiritual and emotional retreat for me. A much needed one.
        The reason it turned into a spiritual and emotional retreat is that God gave me this really awesome friend named Cait I don't even remember how we met, actually. I think we just sat down at the same lunch table and the rest was history. By the end of the week, even our two of our professors commented on how close we were. It was the strangest thing. I don't think I've ever become so close with someone so fast. We were instant sisters, and of course, that makes sense because we were already sisters in Christ. It was amazing. Every night we had conversations about our faith and our lives. We prayed for each other and cared about each other's burdens immediately. We held each other accountable to act as women of God in times where it would have been easy not to. We had times of glorious worship together, where I would play on a piano whatever song came to my mind and she would worship God through dancing to my music, and then we would sit together in silence and pray afterwards. The Holy Spirit was so present with us all week. It was so beautiful. Living every day in awareness of God and acknowledging the great gifts and great peace He kept bestowing on me.
      That was so necessary for me, because I've been distracted. Very distracted. And very tense. I had a great Senior year. A year in which I made some of the best friends I've ever made, and had some of the best times I've ever had. But, spending time with God, listening to the Holy Spirit and spending time in His word and with other believers was largely absent from that year. I was angry at Him for things that happened in my heart Junior year, and this week, I've finally realized, or admitted, that I'm not completely over what happened. My heart still hurts, and much of what happened to me emotionally Senior year was the result of everything Junior year. And yet, I don't think I would change anything if I could, though, because it resulted in good things too, which led me back to God, the source of all good things. And I think my faith is stronger for it. I think God has given me wisdom because of it. And since I asked Him for it, I praise Him for giving it, even if came from pain. He has been ever present in my life, guiding me even when I didn't realize it, and that was made clear to me because...
        This week, God spoke to me clearly for the first time in so, so long. Cait told me that she asks God to show her what her garden of Eden would have been like. What it would be like to be in complete, free communication with God and in paradise. I thought that was a neat prayer, and so I prayed every night for God to show me my garden. And on the last night, playing the piano and worshiping, I heard Him answer. I know this sounds weird, but it's so true and I feel it more strongly than I've felt anything for awhile, so bear with me. He said, "Yes, Liz, someday I will show you your garden, but right now, I want you think like this. This place, Loyola, is your garden. Here I have chosen for you to grow. Your roots are in Me. They are not in your friends, your family, or your church. They are in me. You will grow, I will tend you, and I will not abandon you." It was so peaceful. wonderful and freeing, because I was worried about going to Loyola and leaving everything I know, even if it's only an hour away. Now, I know for certain that God wants me there, and that He will not abandon me while I've there. He has something great planned for me, and I'm so ready for it. This doesn't change the fact that it will be excruciatingly painful for me to leave my family, my friends, and my church, but my roots are in God, not in them, and so I'm at peace.
         In fact, I'm no longer anxious about college at all because He spoke to me. He told me that I'm following His plan and that He chose Loyola for me.  It was astounding, to hear God affirm the biggest decision I've made in my life so far. Sure, there were good reasons for me to go to Loyola anyway, the location, the money, etc. But, I still was doubting it, because it was unknown and I felt like I should have applied to more schools or prayed more about the decision and lots of other stuff. But, He let me know this week that in fact, I didn't make the decision. He made the decision for me, without me even knowing it at the time. Amazing. Isn't God wonderful?! I love Him like crazy. I cannot stop thanking Him for the fun I had at Loyola this week and for Cait and for telling me that I'm where I'm supposed to be. He's so good and He's given me so much through out my life that I want to give my entire life to Him always. So, now I'm going to enjoy the rest of my summer, and then go to college and grow, because Loyola is my garden :) Yay!