I've never made a New Year's resolution before, and I'm not going to start now. No one I know who's made a New Year's resolution has kept it anyway. They just end up regretting the fact that they didn't keep it, and the thing is, I'm done with regrets. Last year was awful. Not all of it was awful, but most of it. The first six months of 2010, I sat around not doing the things I should have done and doing the things I should not have done. The first six months, I waited for life to come to me because I was scared to reach out for it and when it didn't come to me, I got sad, frustrated, then really angry. Then, during the summer, I sat around regretting everything I'd done and not done during the beginning of the year. Still waiting for life to come to me, during those 3 months I was a mess of regret, anger at God, and self pity. It was indescribably ugly and it was quite enough.
So, I don't have a resolution for 2011, but I have a wish, actually, a prayer. I pray for no regrets 2011. This is my senior year. I'm mildly ok with looking back on my junior year and thinking, "Wow, that was awful," because honestly, everyone's junior year is awful. I'm not ok with looking back at my senior year and thinking it was awful because this is it. The last 3 months of 2010, (October, November, December) were the best months of my life because I went out in search of life, leaving my fears with God and spending time with the people I love. Though my regrets from earlier in the year still haunted the back of my mind, I was having too much fun to notice them! I want that to continue throughout next year. I want to do the things I should do and not do the things I shouldn't. I want to live life to the fullest and have no regrets afterwards, or at least, have as few regrets as possible. I don't know how that's all going to work out, but I'm praying it will. The thing about resolutions is, there's no room for God. It's just me working it out on my own, resolved to do something that may or may not be in my human grasp. If I pray, though, it's in God's hands, not mine, and He can do some pretty amazing things. So, Lord, I pray that this year, my actions would glorify you and that I would grow in relationship with you. I pray that I would be a better daughter, sister and friend. And I pray that when next New Years comes around, that I will have no regrets. Amen :)
What's your prayer for 2011?
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